EMO little girl

This morning was pretty EMO for me.  First of all I found out last night they put a hold on my school account because I owe money that I don't have.  Go figure it's a hot mess now and I am still waiting on answers of what to do.  I took out more money, I couldn't get it all because I am only part time.  Seriously now, just because I am not taking 12 credits doesn't mean I don't need the damn money and maybe, just maybe if they would have done what they were supposed to  I wouldn't be in this huge ass mess.

I wake up at 730, the bike rack is all attached to me my car thanks to a friend of mine.  I don't even make coffee or eat breakfast, I don't even change m clothes.  I toss on my work crocs and head out to the city.  I am thinking strong but I am feeling weak.  I know I will crumble, especially when I see that dog.  I did, I cracked, I cried, but I didn't linger.  I took the bike down the 3 flights of steel stairs.  I felt much stronger since the last time I did that when I brought it there.  I left and I cried.  I knew I would but it still hurts, it's still fresh but I do need to realize that it's over.  There is no saving it, I don't want to try to save it, I guess I am just trying to understand it.  I feel as if I was left with a very small explanation and me being me, I need to know more.  I know if I try to inquire though it will only make me look as pathetic as the ex's that were trying to contact him when we were together.  As I sit here and realize he probably did the same thing to her.  

So I will stand up tall, be strong and focus on me..again...I will take this time to figure out my goals, where I want to be and what I want to do to make myself happy.  I fell for something I shouldn't have but I took a chance, I took a risk because at the time I left like if I didn't and the chance passed me by that I may have regretted it and I am not the kind of person who regrets things.  To me, they are mistakes and I learn from them.

I will take this life experience, along with my first competition experience and really focus on what I need to do to make myself better.  One thing for sure is I need to stop letting my emotions make my decisions for me.  I need to stop letting my emotions make me believe things that aren't true.  For example I need to stop making myself think that eating will cure my emotions.  That is my BIGGEST challenge and I am still alive and although I have cried many tears, I am still strong and I will PREVAIL! Today I have my internship from 12-7, I will put my focus into what I should be doing there and then after I go to the gym for 1/2 hour of cardio!?!  WHAT? Hell yea!! Only half hour! LOVE THIS!!!!