Last night I gathered my meals together, packaged them up. I even made my eggs and packaged them to eat at a different time, was going to eat my oatmeal in the morning because I knew I wouldn't be around a microwave, set my alarm and went to bed excited to start posing in the morning. Well I woke up, I knew it was not 530am, looked at the clock, 845. FUCK. Immediately went to my phone, saw some missed calls and missed texts. SO FUCKING ANNOYED. I was really excited to start this and now I have to face my emotions of being irriated, annoyed and pissed off. So I will get those out on the iron I will be lifting at the gym. Stupid fuckin life mistakes I HATE YOU!!!
Yesterday marked 6 weeks until my competition. My weigh in also had me dissappointed and frustrated because I slipped up the week before. So have you noticed I have been actually naming feelings? well, I was told about a book called "The Food and Feelings workbook" so I bought it and have been working through it and it is really amazing. A friend, also mailed me a book called "Mind Gym" and that is also another amazing book, THANK YOU KAYLA!!! I have been really trying to focus on noticing, recognizing and processing my feelings instead of ignoring them, walking away from them, or trying to change them into something they are not and then not or even trying to stuff them away with food.
This shit isn't easy, not everyone has what it takes to stick to an exercise and healthy eating plan for very long and even less people have what it takes to compete and I totally know why. You either get through it and want to continue or you decide it's not for you. Either way, that's ok but I know for ME, I WANT this. I want to become a bikini competitor that wins, I want to be the girl on FitnessRX or even Oxygen and I know I will NOT get there unless I put in the work!
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