Thursday, January 19, 2012

Fuck you food

I am blogging RIGHT fucking now, right this second because my emotions are over flowing with anger and anxiety and I need to get them out before I do any damage with food.  The whole day went perfectly.  Besides being really tired from this busy week (ok,ok, I know, 2 nights in a row not getting to bed until after 4am didn't help) but whatever, grab some Amp's and Mio and I am good :)  

So I got up early to prep my meals because I closed last night, and as soon as I put my pajamas on, washed my face, brushed my face, kissed my mom and dog, I got in my nice warm cozy bed!  So I sloppily, eyes half closed woke up 6 hours later thinking I could just go to the gym after my internship, NO!  I would not do that!  I am tired now, why would I wait?  So I went to the gym, I had a great workout and was glad I did go.  We ended up leaving our internship early because, well we live in Buffalo, the weather got bad (the lake never froze) and our last 2 appointments didn't show up.  I am already mad bc I know I have to go to the grocery store but already planned on going through the bulk isle to steal some nuts! What?  Don't judge me, I always take the ones I touch anyways.  I finally get there and the damn woman is stocking the nuts! FML, I got what I needed to get and did another swoop past and she is STILL there.  Wow, life, really?  I got frustrated, even though about going to the other store on my way home but I said, nah, I have PB and nuts at home.  So I came home and of COURSE I hit up the nuts and then go for the peanut butter.  As I am eating it I realize, is this what I want to be doing?  Do I WANT to sabotage this next weigh in for peanut butteR?  After consuming the nuts and the peanut butter both of which I have no idea how much, let's be honest here, when you use a spoon in the jar you will NEVER know how much you really ate and at that point did you really WANT to?


I made my stupid-i-dont-want-this-right-now-chicken-salad-minus-the-EVOO and headed to my room to facebook.  My friend Ginelle texted me and said she was craving sweets.  I told her I just ate more peanut butter than I should have and we both sent each other a few jdfhjsdf sdfjsdf texts and then I decided I needed to take a step forward and I told her WE can do this!  I will NOT open that jar of peanut butter and told her she will find nothing good in the cupboard!  I then continued to go onto a few of the groups I belong to on facebook, aspiring and current competitors and of course TEAM FIT!  I am so lucky to have all of this support around me and I will NOT be going back into that cupboard!

Day 19 no binging complete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAM! #Iknowimnotperfectbutimmakingprogress!

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