Sitchiations

So as I sit here, still dressed up in my internship clothes because I am seriously contemplating going out tonignht, I figured I need to start blogging more!  I am on the internet more than I sleep sometimes and although I really should make the better decision and get more sleep I guess I will wait to see if I get a text, I mean no I am not pathetically waiting for anything or anyone. #sitchiationnumberone

So my last blog I believe was all about my binge eating disorder and how I wondered what would happen when I got to the point where I did it, was close to doing it or in the middle of it, well let me play this story out for you.  From January 1st-January 29th I made a shit load of progress, didn't binge and was super proud but for whatever reason, Monday, during a lunch shift I decided to take the plunge into the crushed walnuts.  #sitchiationnumbertwo.  BAD IDEA TALIA!  I was unprepared with food because my meal plan just changed, and although nuts were apart of my next meal that one handful turned into many more, a dip into the crushed oreos and then a trip to wegmans for trail mix and poptarts.  I drove to school, ate one pop tart and started eating the trail mix and started crying, WHAT AM I DOING?  It was here I realized this is not who I want to be anymore.  

Fast forward to today bc I don't want to live in that past anymore and I am better.  I know I will never be perfect and I want to say that I will never binge again but maybe that was an unrealistic goal at this point in my life.  I have a lot of goals, a lot of commitments, and a lot of things that spread myself thin that sometimes I feel like I have nothing else to give #sitchiationnumberthree  Working two jobs, interning 16 hours a week, class on Monday nights, training for a competition and trying to have a social life is a lot already, add in trying to change my eating habits that I have been trying to change for years makes life very frustrating.  I am always so thankful for the supportive people in my life!!!!

What else?  Well I ordered another bikini bc the one I have isn't very flattering on me, I know in 11 weeks that will change drastically, bc I know I will be working my ass off but the one I ordered, the top fits amazing and the bottoms make me look like I haven't trained a day in my life.  I am seriously starting to think of getting a Victoria's Secret bikini, still tossing the idea around so I guess this could be #sitchiaationnumberfour.  Anyways, I need to get going so I can go buy some eggs!