Guess whos back?

I'm back bitches!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!  I mean seriously I am not even going to waste this precious blog time looking back on 2011 INSTEAD I am going to say Tabula Rasa which ok means at birth we are given a clean slate but I am using that now too.  Right now I feel like I have a clean slate, a fresh start, a brand new year for a brand new me and I am going to give every single second my 110% best and be the 120% best kind of human being I can be.  My number 1 goal is to take my words and turn them into actions.

I plan on blogging a lot, sharing a lot of inspirational photos and such and if you are someone that is annoyed by all of this (I am assuming if you are reading this you are NOT one of those people:: but I LOVE that stuff!  I can not WAIT to get an iphone and be in everyone else's world ALL day long.  Although my friend count might go down I can twitter too and have people follow me on there!! ahhhh so much exciting things for 2012!!

Making EPIC shit happen this year!!!

Kelsy is also my laptop background

This pic is so sexy and my brother just asked me "why do you have a girl as your background picture?  He will be 30 in January so I am SURE he wasn't not offended at all.  We were watching a youtube video of some dude crashing right into some rocks that just fell off of a friggin mountain.  He got out and said he didn't see it..copy and paste this for enjoyment.. http://youtu.be/gBmE92n5mEI

Today was amazing, well part of it.  I slept for 12 hours which is a victory all in and of itself.  I was super tired last night at work.  Any who I woke up and made coffee only to find out that my one dog has been puking and shitting all morning.  Needless to say I started thinking about her and how she has been sick and of how absolutely devastating it is to lose an animal.  I know she is not on her death bed but it still made my heart hurt.  

Random thought insertion:  After almost 6 years without smoking I was craving a cigg BAD at work the other day.  Of course I didn't give in, I never would but it would be great if I could just enjoy one every once in awhile without it being an immediate addiction.  

The gym was my outlet today, hit it hard, ran and did some weights! I am definitely feelin more positve and waiting on my meal plan from my trainer.  I just got a text with my new macros and my heart fluttered with slight pain when seeing my carbs (79).  ::insert huge sigh here:: it's ok, I mean I did eat my face off for long enough, time to get sexy again.  No wait, let me rephrase that..time to get SEXIER!!!!! I wish I could use cardio or exercise as a emotion filler.  For example when I am bored out of my mind at Applebee's I wish I could do something physical but then I will be sweaty and gross for my guests..not cool.

After the gym I went shopping for some Christmas gifts, came home and wrapped them and I am finally feelin the Christmas spirit.  Last year I went a little over board on gifts and so this year we decided to put a spending limit up and I already hate it because I feel like I want to buy more :( 

Tomorrow I am hoping to start my new meal plan as close to it as possible.  If he sends it to me tonight I can pull it off but if he doesn't send it to me until later and I get it in the am it might be harder but I WILL make it work. Cardio in the am, work and then to the gun range!!!! BOOM!!!

In the running!

So I haven't written in awhile.  I was taking a mini vacation from blogging about my binging and eating problems.  Honestly, I just feel like the boy who cried wolf writing this things with the same shit over and over.  I messed up, I hate myself, I want to cry, I need to go to bed, tomorrow is a new day, start over, yadda yadda yadda blah fuckin blah.  That's NOT an exciting blog and now I wonder why I only have 4 followers this time.

Lets talk some good shit.  So, I finally got my period, TMI yes ..BUT..there is a good story behind it that leads to more annoyances in my life.  Well, I honestly though  might be pregnant.  It made perfect sense, last period was in September, the ex ditched me October 20th, sex definitely occured somewhere before that and a missed pill also happened at one point that month.  Fast FWD to that Saturday and my pills were lost, definitely could have been possible but NEGATIVE test result!  I know this sounds sick and twisted and I definitely would have been pissed if I would have been carrying around my ex's baby that I haven't talked to since then (hell to the no, I do not need to, I am NOT that girl) but is it weird that I kind of was like hmm, well, if I am I would have it.  Fucked up right?  Not really.  I mean think about it.  I do NOT plan on getting into a relationship anytime soon.  I am not interested in anyone in that way and so who seriously knows if I will ever end up getting married and having the American dream because quite frankly I don't like being stressed over that shit.  Well really it doesn't matter because I am not going to be a mom and I am glad for that.

I signed up for a bodyspace profile on bodybuilding.com and BEST IDEA..EVER!  It makes me really stop and think about how many hot bodies, I mean people, I mean it makes me think about how many amazing people I haven't met yet :) 

I have also decided that my blogs will consist of the more interesting things that go on in my life, like for example someone deleting their facebook for a few days because they found themselves stalking me too much.  ;)  You still make me laugh, you know who you are (because I KNOW you will read this-text me when you see this!), but ur crazy..about me, I know, I know,...I am pretty awesome :)  or even this one..spending my birthday writing a paper and going to class.  WOW...28 has been boring..will someone please help spice this up?

I also decided that I will turn all of my negative thoughts into positive ones and so instead of blogging about how since Thanksgiving I have not been able to get back on track I will say things like today I finally pulled it together, prevailed over a ridiculous amount of annoyance today and made my macros!!!!

Last thing is this ...shut the fuck up Talia and do it!

Almost 28 reflection of a year

I am a little over an hour away from being tecnhiqually called 28.  The first thing that came to mind was having to enter that into the cardio equipment at the gym, it will change my THR, will I be in a different age bracket on surveys? Why am I still living at home and don't have a career yet?

EERRRRRR...REWIND, STOP, HOLD UP MISS. NEGATIVO.  Let me tell you, this is exactly the way of thinking I want to avoid.  When that clock strikes midnight I will have another year of life experiences under my belt and out of 12 of those months about 9 of them were spent being single. If I can take my life back to last year I was dancing my ass off downtown in my over the knee boots, drinking the night away, falling and doing things I don't even remember.  New Year's was the same, shakin my rum downtown and drinking my money away.  What can I say, they call me Rumpshaker!

  Fast forward to March and I'm at the St. Patrick's Day parade with work friends and my bestie Nicole.  I had an absolute blast until I came home and puked, not from drinking too much but from eating too much.  This was the turning point for me, I knew I needed a bigger goal, I knew this wasn't the way I wanted to experience life so I vowed to try and not drink for 30 days, I did  it and have been going ever since.  Not one drip of alcohol since March 21st, 2001.  At this point I called up my current Trainer Ron and told him I wanted to start training for a show.  I felt like it would be the drive I needed to stop my binging, my yo yo dieting and help me reach my goals and dreams.  I went to Florida in May and felt like a complete frump dump.  My friend Nicole had lost so much weight, the friend Kristin we were going to see was in the best shape of her life and I had boobs the size of watermelons and was binge eating up a storm.

When I came back from Florida I started training for a show that would take place in October.  It was something like I never experienced before.  I was still binging here and there but progress was occurring.  I wasn't perfect, I got frustrated, I cried I even met a new guy in the process.  Things were great, then all of a sudden they went sour and a week before the show I was seeing myself indulge in foods I never should have had in my hands and ended up looking worse on show date than I did the week before.  I got dumped 2 days before, my heart was broken, I was upset, mad, sad, frustrated but yet still had to strut across the stage in a tini pink bikini and show the judges what I had accomplished.  I was proud for doing it and I have become hooked.  I have had time to indulge again and as I sit here and think about where I want my life to take me I think I am reaching the point where I either need to do it or just let it go.  Considering that these are my dreams I think it's time I grow up and stop making excuses for myself.

This reflection was wonderful! Thanks for reading! lol