Fitspo friend Heather! Get it girl! You look amazing!!!
So about 20 minutes ago I was trying to stealthily ask my trainer to allow me to do more cardio tomorrow and when he said no I actually was slightly disappointed. Then... it occurred to me how much I despised cardio just 3 weeks ago when I was doing double sessions and wanted to not only stab someone in the eyeballs but frantically scream across the cardio floor how annoying and boring it was. So thanks Ron, for not only not letting me make up for excess calories via excessive exercise but also saving me from hating the day tomorrow.
So now I guess I will have to explain my excessive calorie consumption. Well..you see..I first must make a disclaimer. Pre-competition I was on an extremely restrictive diet, my boyfriend dumped me 2 days before the show and for anyone who encountered me during that time period I will take the time right now to say..I'm sorry. After the show restrictions are lifted and no, I won't lie I ate everything I wanted to over 7 days and gained 10 pounds on the scale. 10?!?! 10 pounds?! Yes. 10. The week after I lost 7 and so I am hoping that the next weigh in will stay the same or go slightly below but not when I think consuming croutons and french fries before a meal will help. Now granted, our corporate manager was on site, AGAIN and for fuck's sake do I ALWAYS have to be there when he is? So eating really wasn't an option and I had already eaten what I had when I got there after my workout. Mistake. I should have eaten something at the halfway point. Instead, I ordered food after my shift, a shit load of broccoli and a slab of chicken with some melted cheese and sauteed veggies. My fat self couldn't control my munchies and since I made it a goal to not eat any nuts today (yes, it really has come down to this) I said, hell, eat some croutons and then some fries. So I am not sure what my calorie intake is 100% (failed on that goal-I wanted to be 100% accurate today) but I do know that it is about 500 calories over which is I was about 500 calories over on Saturday I am already up 1000 and honestly this means nothing to me other than the fact that it makes me think in negative mindsets.
This is where the problem is. I know, it takes me so much longer to get to the point in these blogs, but whatever, it helps to vent. No one else will listen to this nonsense. ANYFUCKINWAYS....I am TRYING to get that balance but to also get my macros where they need to be, I did it perfectly yesterday but today, not so much. How come? What was different today? I made the move by taking the first bite. I ate the crouton knowing I couldn't eat just one serving and then I started in the fries because I started to get the fuck it attitude. Then though after eating my meal and wondering why mo co-worker didn't give me the rest of her quesadilla burger because I TOLD her if she wasn't going to finish it that I would that I said to myself "really fatty?" You just consumed a shit ton of useless calories and your stomach is already getting bloated and all you can think about is eating more? Luckily, my manager was giving me a serious stare down at my plate of croutons so I busted out of there before I got asked to ring them in as a side order of something.
It's tough, well it was difficult when I had a ton of restrictions I wanted to prove that I could it it my own way and I didn't win. Now I am trying to do it the right way but I still can't seem to get it right. I want to do so much better at this next competition and have been giving it even more though about doing 2 back to back. How will I get better if I don't keep practicing? The more the better, right? I just wish it would click with me and food. I try to get away with not planning out my day when I don't have food and think I will be fine because I work at a restaurant but it is definitely harder to get away with at a family owned business than it is with big brother eyeballs watching you all the time. I am better off bringing in my own food so I don't have to buy stuff and it's always when I do not have food that I struggle the most.
Moral of the story? Plan like my trainer and everyone else around me has been telling me to do this whole flippin time. I also think I need to be more aware of when I am going to start running out of food so I don't have to get it all in one shot I can replace things here and there.
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