Who woulda thought?

I was the girl in high school that was always unprepared for gym class on the days we had to run the mile (with my partner Linds- HAHA).  I was the girl in high school that would have rather sat on my ass in front of the TV with a bag of doritos than take a walk outside.  I was the girl with a beer in one hand and a cigg in the other, standing in front of a bon-fire waiting for the next beer pong game to start.  I have changed my whole life and don't get me wrong I don't regret anything I do, did or will do. DISCLAIMER: I also don't look at anyone else differently that doesn't follow what I do.  I don't expect people to.  I know everyone is their own unique person and I admire everyone for being just that.  

I remember a few years ago when I first started getting into personal training (which BTW I just renewed my certification and have been pondering going back a few days a week to train at the BAC).  I would constantly buy Oxygen mag, Fitness Rx and just day dream about looking like those girls, wanting to model like they do.  People would constantly steer me away from competing or even thinking about it, telling me it's not maintainable that it's too much pressure, it's not realistic.  I believed them, I wasn't lean enough, I wasn't sexy enough, I wasn't good enough. .... I turned into a binge eater, compensating with over exercise, under eating, overeating, over exercise, a constant battle and a constant unhealthy cycle.  I am not sure what happened but one day I decided to do a competition...

I never let go of that dream and now I am living it out.  Looking at these pictures tonight from my first competition ever has made me so proud of where I have gotten.  I KNOW I need work, I KNOW I am not perfect, I KNOW I will probably never be free from binge eating, I KNOW I will always love food, but I also know I have a dream.  I now also KNOW that I have found something that if I become very passionate about that I can be good at.  I have always wondered in life what was I good at?  Some people were naturally good singers, dancers, etc and I never had anything.  There was never that ONE thing that I was "special" at and as cheesy as this may sound, I think I have finally found it.

I bitch and moan and complain about craving food, over eating, not being able to eat this, eating too much of that but honestly listen to this one.  Before I got home I was hangin with my bestie Nicole.  I was at Spot Coffee finishing a paper and the last thing I ate was at 3pm,  I have been up since 5 and all of my calories had been eaten by 3.  Fuck.  Tired + hungry Talia= crabby patty Talia.  We went to Wal mart because she needed an emergency mouse for her laptop and I went into the nut isle to find Mountain Trail Mix.  Anyone who knows what this is knows its the bomb and I was totally about to demolish some.  Luckily for me there was none.  I started texting for support, my trainer, my friends, fellow competitors and I was told to stick to the healthy stuff.  I knew I was going home to this CD and was probably deep down nervous as hell but I opted for a chicken salad with tomatoes and red wine vinegar mixed with my Grandma's home made Italian dressing.

Once I started looking at these pics, a light went on, energy started flowing to my body, I no longer wanted junk food, I was thrilled to look at the pics, excited knowing I am doing another show and even more happy with myself that life just allowed me to fuck that hole of wanting to eat like shit.  It was a sign from the lack of trail mix at Wal Mart and I will carry that with me for at least the next 2 days before I want to eat junk again. HAHH 

Long blog short: I have found my calling and I am determined to reach my goals! Can't wait! I have so much support I could cry!