Good lord look at that ASS!! I just can't help but blog right now, I should be going to bed but there are just some things I need to get off of my mind today. I want to go back to yesterday because I had an amazing experience with my field educator and supervision. We haven't been able to meet because of schedules but this one had of been the best one yet. I feel comfortable talking to her, she is a remarkable woman with a lot on her plate, much like me. I know I have been told in the past that I may have too much on and sometimes I take the time to recognize it and remove some things but somehow whether I could handle it or not I would challenge myself again and pile it on. I am relatively sure I will never stop being like this but one thing she did make me realize was that I need to recognize what I want, what I need, what will make me happy and that I should have full confidence in knowing that I have the potential for really great things. I self-disclosed about my recent decision not to compete, she is well aware of my healthy eating/exercise habits and talking it out with her made me realize how much better I felt just from stopping the extreme behaviors I was engaging in. I understand that it was for a prep but I was not Talia, as much as I was enjoying my workouts they were torture, as much as I enjoyed eating I was tired.
We talked about my passion for fitness, how my goal is to help people who struggle with eating disorders, exercise disorders and the like but she also made me open up my mind to other possibilities as well. I know I can be successful in this are of expertise because not only do I know so much but I am experiencing it. I sort of think of it as an ex-addict that has decided to become a counselor, I feel like the connection can be made on such a different level. Working with the children in the Sloan School District this year has also sparked my interest in this population. It is a challenge everyday with these children but just seeing slight changes in them is very rewarding. What I got most out of this was her ability to portray what she saw me as and it was nothing like I saw myself. She gave me a lot of positive attributes in regards to my profession and she made me recognize that I need not focus myself to one thing especially this health and fitness stuff that I can and SHOULD expand on it. I can think of so many ways that I can make a place for myself in this industry and I plan on doing just THAT!
Today was our field liason visit which also went very well. The day was perfectly fine, I got to sleep in, I was excited to hit the gym later and do some food prepping. It wasn't until after my 10 minute warm up that for one of the very first times it was the gym that actually irritated the fuck out of me. How? Simply by human beings. They were all using the BB racks, one was free and some dumb ass chic stole it so I got fuckin pissed bc I had to use the smith machine. I got super ticked off at all the people walking around with their dumb cards and every single noise from the machines was driving me INSANE. I don't know what it was but the smalling of the stacks, the squeeks, the murmors. I actually couldn't wait to be done, get out and vow to never go at night if I could prevent it! I am a morning lifter/exerciser, I can't do it at night and that clearly and rudely showed me why.
I say rudely because that bad attitude carried over into the conversation of my significant other which it does more often than it should. I must be vulnerable right now and say I am not used to this relationship stuff, like this serious stuff, I have been so used to doing so many things on my own with no interruptions that I am still trying to adjust to this addition to my life. By no means I am saying he is inconvenient because so far he has been THE MOST understanding, caring, patient, honest and open boyfriend I have ever had. I have never in my life wanted something to work so bad, taken time out to try and sort things out and although it's hard for me to understand I have to make certain sacrifices I WANT to do that because I know he is worth it. How do I know? I know because he is willing to talk to me instead of walking away, because instead of making things worse he tries to find ways to make me laugh, because instead of getting angry and saying mean things he stays as calm as he can and explains things the best he can. I just feel so incredibly lucky to have someone who actually wants to put up with my shit. I mean I am a true P.I.T.A a real piece of work, a hot tamale! So thank you Andrew for being there for me! =] Let me know when you see this...are you still reading?? =]
I think I am going to..no I KNOW I have already and will continue to make huge strides in my journey. I have my first photo shoot on Sunday and I plan on killin it! I plan on rockin my outfits, throwing in my Talia sass and making this shoot as fun as I can! If I want to make it, I'm not going to fake it, I want to be real, I want to be unique and I want to make my dreams come true!!
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