Refreshed

My first thoughts are to comment on how REMARKABLE this ass is.  I mean come on, do you think this girl ate a shit load of cereal, ice cream and pizza to get this ass? Probably not.  Do you think she partied every weekend sippin alcohol while doing bicep curls? Nope.  This people is a combination of hard work, determination, clean eating, persistence, strength, motivation and a nice smart pants brain.  Don't get me wrong, if I had one wish, one wish that could be granted and stick with me for the rest of my little life I would wish to eat whatever I wanted and still look like a fitness model 24/7.  Isn't that EVERY girls dream? Maybe not but it's mine and this is my blog so I don't care =]

I am sitting here, it's 12:30, already ate breakfast, and I have nothing to do until about 230 when I have to leave for my interview for my next internship.  This is one of the serious joys of being a college student, being able to sleep for 10 hours and then facebook stalking and writing blogs all day.  Honestly, since I have decided to post pone competing I have gained myself back, ok, ok I stuffed my face with as much food as I possibly could and although I hate how I feel after it's always great while doing it until you realize that this is not the person you want to be.  I have been a binge eater (for those of you that know me, follow my blogs and converse with me on the regular) for a long time and it has been really tough to break these habits.  My trainer had me take a week of from lifting, doing cardio or stepping food into the gym.  This was EXTREMELY tough for me but honestly, I needed it.  After months of strenuous exercise, and dieting I realized today that all of that more than likely contrivbuted to why I was binging in the first place, too much exercise, not enough food.  I mean DUH!  It makes perfect sense and I guess I always subconsciously knew that but didn't care.  I wanted to compete, I wanted to bring my best forward when in actuality that is not how Talia should be doing it.

I have been able to sleep in, give my muscles a rest, eat the things I have been craving for months, and open up my mind to my thoughts and feelings.  Being in the MSW program at UB has taught me a lot and a speaker we had yesterday reminded me how important it is to FEEL your feelings and understand WHY we have them and their purpose.  I tend to try and ignore them or change them and in the long run it hurt me more than ever.  I am more than happy with the decison that I made, I needed to reflect, to get my mind right, and my body right and I honestly feel that I will make more gains during this time than I would if I was in "prep" mode.

My goals are to kill my first photo shoot this Sunday, give it my all in my workouts, comply 100% to my trainer (yes, I have a contract, yes I printed like 1237894 copies and they are everywhere-signed and dated for today).  I will learn how to understand and react to my emotions and not eat them, hide them or try to change them.  I will work through them and make better coping choices instead of reaching for food.  I will stay bikini ready as it is almost bikini season here in Buffalo!  I will put my best food forward and get on the good foot! Ok cya cat bitches!